Power Exchange Issues: To Kneel, or Not To Kneel,

That is the Question!

by: Master DVNT

Have you ever imagined a slave kneeling before his/her Mistress or Master? A slave gracefully kneeling before his/her Master is a classic archetypal depiction of what it means to be a Master or slave. So how does this hold up in the real world of Master/slave relationships? Is this depiction real or just a fantasy? Recently online, I encountered a distraught slave who was inquiring about various troubles he was having in regard to the practice of kneeling. I realized this must be a common issue amongst U/us in the lifestyle and saw a need for a serious response. In this article I will discuss various dynamics of the practice or protocol of kneeling in relation to power-exchange relationships along with a few tips and solutions for those who face physical challenges with engaging in the practice of kneeling. I will also be sharing some personal experiences, philosophy and insights around this issue.

[Please note: I am not telling anyone what to do in their relationships. Only you will know what’s appropriate for you. These are merely offered suggestions. I am not making any suggestions above the authority of any personal relationships and their dynamics. It is up to you to determine if and how to use the information. If you are a sub/slave, then to be safe, it is always best to consult with your Dominant FIRST before implementing anything anyone else says!

Secondly, for the functionality of writing purposes, I have chosen to use the term “Master/slave” or “Dominant/sub” or “Owner” in all references to the discussion of power-exchange relationships in this article. It is important to recognize that the world of conscious power-exchange relationships is vast and dynamic, including a plethora of role identifications as Mistress, Sir, Ma’am, Domme, Daddy, Mommy, sub, boi, boy, girl, pet, pup, toy, play partner, and more. With full acknowledgment of this, please feel free to interchange the terminology used herein with any role identification that works best for you.]

Fantasy or fiction?

Is the classic image of a slave finding home and kneeling at her/his Owner's feet just a fantasy? From my personal experience, no, it is not – not in my household at least. It is actually a fairly common protocol amongst the kink community and I know first-hand plenty of others who practice kneeling on a daily basis. I have been in full-time Ownership and training of my slave maramuun for over 3 years. For us, kneeling is a deep and rich aspect of our protocol and is both part of my personal protocol and a preferred spontaneous expression of her servitude to me. If she kneels at my feet, whether by her personal choice or by explicit Order, then she does not rise or change position without first receiving permission. If she does rise without permission, then she is open for punishment. I train my slave(s) toward Total Power Exchange (hereinafter referred to as “TPE”), and to me the kneeling is symbolic of her appreciation and willingness to serve. When she kneels before me, I call for complete surrender with body, mind, and heart. When she kneels, she is expressing to me the depth of her servitude. If she were to rise or change position without permission, to me it would show disrespect and a lack of will for complete surrender.

With our dynamic, it is up to Me to decide what the threshold of kneeling is for her. If I found it to be damaging to her body, I would simply have her change positions or put into practice one of the solutions listed herein. It is also part of our protocol for her to tell me when something is approaching her threshold, at which point, I am to decide what to do from there. Only at times of punishment or teaching a lesson will I have her kneel for long, painful periods of time. Normally when she has reached her threshold, I will allow her to change positions. I have even offered to get her a "kneeling pillow" but she would prefer to kneel without. I have put a rubber mat in my computer room for a better kneeling surface and she uses a towel to kneel on when drying Me after showers. We are always very mindful of placing the knees slowly and gently on the floor and I do not have her kneel on extremely painful surfaces such as gravel. After 3 years, she has what we refer to as "slave knee" where her knees are permanently callused with red marks from long-term kneeling. However, she has not experienced any knee problems or internal damage to her knees aside from appearances. If she does start experiencing knee issues in the future, we will accommodate appropriately.

Don’t Put the Cart Before the Horse

The first important question for a sub/slave to answer is if kneeling is a part of your Dominant's instruction, is it something you choose to do on your own, is it neither or could it be both?

If kneeling was initiated as protocol from your Dominant, then you should naturally attempt to do this the best you can. If one is in a TPE relationship, then whether a slave kneels or not, when, why and for how long, would be completely up to the Master and any dilemma concerning this protocol would be entirely up to the Master in regards to how He/She, you, or both of you deal with any arising issues in regards to such protocols, in which case a slave should consult with their Master first and foremost. If the Master is implementing protocol that a slave feels is against their health and well-being, these relationships should be, at core, consensual and no matter what rules are in place, a slave always has the ultimate choice to exit the relationship (and in my opinion should do so if one's best interest and good health is not a driving motive of your Master's protocol).

If a sub/slave's decision to kneel is something one has decided to do on their own accord as a way to show gratitude and express servitude to the Dominant, then the question to kneel or not to kneel would be entirely up to the slave. If it is something a slave would prefer to do then I would say give it your best and go from there. If it is something the slave is indifferent about and it is not a rule laid out by the Dominant and one's Dominant does not care whether the sub/slave kneels or not, then go ahead and move on to a more comfortable mannerism. If it is the sub/slave's choice in the matter, then go ahead and check with the Dominant to see how She/He feels about it. If She likes or prefers the kneeling then give it your best to make that happen and if it doesn’t work out for you, with the Dominant's consent, it can always be discarded.

If the kneeling is something you both decided upon together and prefer it, then don't give up and try your best to find a way to make it work; the threshold would be up to you both or decided upon by whatever process is laid out for decision making in your relationship. Below, I suggest several different techniques that can be implemented for kneeling and cover some important basics on the subject of kneeling.

Positive Power-Exchange -

I will introduce a concept which I call "positive power-exchange" (a.k.a. "positive BDSM" or “Positive SM”). Many people are unknowingly engaged in this practice and I feel all healthy kink and power exchange (PE) relationships are based on this foundation. If your relationship encompasses this practice, then the mental, emotional, physical and spiritual health, safety and growth of all involved individuals is the priority, the driving force and highest-determining factor in every decision made. In this case, it would be up to the Dominant, or up to you both, or up to the sub/slave alone (depending on how your PE structure and personal protocol works) to decide your threshold based on these factors of "positive power exchange.” If the Dominant is engaged in "positive power-exchange" and kneeling is the Dominant’s protocol, then it is up to the Dominant to make this decision with the sub/slave's best interest, good health, growth and safety in mind. Also, it is His/Her responsibility to decide if kneeling is best for the sub/slave, the duration, and what the appropriate time and factors are. This protocol should be open to be altered according to the physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being of the sub/slave. This concept goes both ways and should play an integral role in the sub/slave's efforts and choices in how one serves the Dominant. Just as much as a Dominant’s "way" of dominance can either be a positive or empowering force or it can be harmful or disabling for a slave/submissive, the same goes for the other way around. A sub/slave's "way" can also be positive and empowering or negative and disabling for the Dominant. Likewise, if you yourself have decided to kneel on your own, then you may consider with your Dominant's permission adopting this concept (or if you are driven by the Heart as I am, You can use this concept of "positive power-exchange" as your guiding-line on this particular decision and others any time you reach confusion; this should help you both decide what’s best in any given relationship or protocol dilemma).

Ground Zero

Before implementing kneeling as a protocol, it should first be determined if it is appropriate for the individuals involved.

First and most importantly, communication is key. Talk to your Dominant or your slave/sub. Let them know the issue and, being honest, figure out what’s best and what could help. Have a healthy protocol for communication. If a certain practice or protocol is too much for the sub/slave to bear or the sub/slave feels it to be unhealthy or damaging (either physically or emotionally), then it should be appropriate if the relationship is practicing "positive power-exchange.” It's also encouraged to articulate the situation and with consideration of all parties, changes to accommodate the well-being of those involved should be properly implemented.

One must also determine if kneeling is practical, healthy and a positive expression for the sub/slave. We are all deferent shapes and sizes so some bodies are just not cut out for kneeling, and that's okay! Some people have weak knees or have other knee issues. These people shouldn't be kneeling or should be making practical adjustments or accommodations if they are concerned with healthy practices. Also, old age is a reality and the body breaks down over time. Aging is not a bad thing, it is a beautiful aspect of the living experience and someday every sub/slave will reach a point when they can no longer kneel in the same manner or serve in the same ways as they did when they were younger. From my view, this is not an issue, rather something we are meant to face in the natural process of life and hopefully reconcile with on this journey of the human existence. There is no standard consensual slavery doctrine aside from this; “Serve to the BEST of one’s abilities.” As such, this is not solid, but fluid and completely unique according to the individuals involved. Therefore, comparing, idolizing and attempting to mimic others is simply not advisable. Whatever role we identify with, it is important to try and distinguish that the expectations we put on ourselves are actually our own and appropriate for U/us as individuals rather than trying to parrot some artificial ideal version of what we think it means to be a Master/Mistress/Sir/Ma’am/Mommy/Daddy/boy/girl/sub/slave or whatever else we identify O/ourselves as. In this “lifestyle”, we ride a powerful double-edged sword between living embodiments of archetypes and being our true authentic selves. When performed in a healthy manner, expressing these archetypes in various ways can help us grow in leaps that nothing else could. We are capable of discovering ourselves more deeply and more fully through acknowledging, accepting, respecting, and expressing these archetypes within U/us. But as to the nature of any “self-identity”, there is also an underside which can be extremely unhealthy and damaging and acts as another escape from our true selves - just more toxic food for the human ego, and in the end, it only does harm to yourself and others.

The way I have found to not fall into this trap is that I do not determine what is appropriate by setting up an imposing system of rigged rules in My Household. Rather, I work from a more intuitive process which centers our M/s relationship around what flows naturally. This “organic protocol” is my guiding-line to know what the “right” choices are for Me to make as a Master. This does not mean there are no rules or protocol in My Household; sometimes what flows is implementing certain rules for the growth that has presented itself to me as a necessary step to a positive evolution. So it is important to realize this and ask yourself; “Is kneeling (or anything else for that matter) really appropriate for me/my Dominant/My sub/slave? Or am I just trying to force some perceived ideal collective archetype upon myself and others just because that’s what others do?”. The M/s D/s journey must be walked by the individual. Therefore, it is absolutely necessary for the individual(s) to discover and practice what that means to them alone. After this contemplation, if kneeling or other classic Master/slave protocols feel right to you, go for it!

Solutions for the Kneeling-Challenged

For those who have deemed kneeling to be an appropriate practice for their situation, I have laid out some practical salutations for those who wish to implement kneeling into their practice but face some physical difficulties. These suggestions make for longer and healthier kneeling periods and lessen any damage done from long-term kneeling.

Kneepads - Kneepads can work well for some slaves/submissives. They are great for fetish clubs, play parties and BDSM Dungeons. They are great for pups or masculine subs/slaves/boys/bois. However, kneepads don’t usually work well for fem subs/slaves because well, let’s face it, kneepads just aren’t very feminine. My advice for fem subs/slaves is the kneeling pillow.

Kneeling Pillow - One can be found that visually expresses the character of the relationship. It can have colors that are meaningful to the Dominant or can visually match the sub/slave's personality. It can also be hand-crafted by the slave/submissive and words, phrases, or names can be sown onto it. I recommend a pillow that is just large enough to accommodate the knees. The idea of a "kneeling pillow" can have elegant or sophisticated feel to it. The kneeling pillow can also be treated with sacred respect. It can be handled with care, carried with both hands and kept in a certain place near other sacred and meaningful objects.

Padded Floors - If there are places in your Household where kneeling is frequent, then you can put down mats or rugs in those areas. If there aren't frequently-used areas for kneeling, then create one (or several) based on what seems most practical for your situation. There are plenty of options to add padding to your floor such as padded mats designed to help people’s feet in the workplace. You can also carpet the whole house or certain rooms. You can then add extra padding under the carpet or rugs as well or if you really want to do it right, find some heavy duty shock absorbent padding to place under the carpet or rugs and when your vanilla friends are over, they won’t even know the difference!

The Zen of Kneeling (Gokizen [kneeling zen] or better yet,Fushiogamuzen [to "kneel and worship" zen]) - Being a zen practitioner Myself, I think the breathing technique in Zen meditation is a wonderful suggestion to explore when working through the pain of kneeling to find one's personal threshold. When one starts to experience associated pains while kneeling, start with counting the breath and focusing on the counts. When you can concentrate on this, let the counting drop away and just BE with the breath; BE with the kneeling. Become fully present, completely HERE and NOW. Let thoughts come and go, and let everything drop away except for the experience itself. Observe the experience without judging or worrying about anything. The pain will then become simply a sensation. Not good or bad, just purely a sensation. This has a transcendental quality to it which will help you work through your ordinary threshold (mind over matter) and it can become a rich practice of moving past the current condition while at the same time becoming fully present with it. This is, in essence, Zen meditation, referred to as Zazen (seated zen) and Shikantaza (the practice of “just being”), or what was referred to by the Buddha himself as “Anapanasati” (mindfulness of breathing meditation). However, it is important to recognize when enough is enough. This particular practice is not a denial of the body (Asceticism), rather liberation of mental affliction which distorts our experiences. From the Zen and Buddhist perspective, problems and many other things we take as reality don’t really exist outside of our minds, therefore we observe our experiences deeply to see for ourselves what is real and what is only a mental or ego creation. What this means in relation to the issue f kneeling is that much of the kneeling difficulties could actually be caused by your mind getting the best of you, i.e. your hardship lies in the mental and emotional interpretation of the experience rather than the physical experience itself and this method can help you decipher the difference. Most people are very disconnected from their bodies due to ego, self-esteem, and lack of mindfulness. This method can help one face all these issues that appear to be unrelated but are actually connected and in effect, help one become more fully present and connected with their body. This helps one become more capable of determining what is healthy or unhealthy for their body and lets one find where their true thresholds are. This method will not likely work overnight, but if you try this method for some time, you may be very surprised at what you discover!

One Way, Ten-Thousand Faces

If you examine my discussion of this issue closely, you will see that I touch upon a universal approach to something that is in fact not isolated to one activity or another and can help enrich your M/s, D/s or Kink relationships in infinite ways.

I hope this article has been helpful to you in some way. No matter what face your path takes, I hope it to be one of love, compassion, authenticity and as always, I wish you the very best on your journey!